gemthefem:

There were 2 things that always stopped me from getting a tattoo: the needles and the pain that it implies, and the knowledge of having something permanent on my body. What if I hate it after a year? Then I read about how women were getting the ‘NC’, or non-compliant, tattoos. I knew what I wanted. 

I read Bitch Planet during a dark turning point in my life.

I am a PoC (Filipino to be exact holla!) who finally decided to get a handle on my body dysmorphia (BDD) and anxiety/depression. I get so anxious around social events that I usually end up disappearing without telling anyone and take a walk around the block, usually alone and in sketchy areas, just to calm down. I look in the mirror and see a body not worthy. People see me, they say ‘fit’ and ‘normal,’ even ‘thin’. I see ‘not good enough’. I pinch the areas of my body I don’t like to see if I gained any more fat in that area. My panic attacks get so severe I start injuring myself just to distract myself with the pain and hope that it snaps me out of it. I lost my relationship because I wasn’t ‘healing fast enough’ for him.   

At first, reading Bitch Planet was for pure entertainment value. Then I read Penny Rolle’s story. And I started *bawling*.

Penny gets put onto BP because she’s a fat, black woman who decided not to put up with society’s dumb f*ckery. She gets subjected to this device in which what you see in the mirror is the ideal self you want to be. This is who she sees in the mirror.

This panel means the world to me. Physically I’m not Penny Rolle by any means, but with my BDD and self-image and worth issues I can certainly relate. To see this fictional woman see herself in the mirror and believe and *know* that she is beautiful and worthy is so powerful to me. It gives me hope that someday I can look in the mirror and think that way about myself too. If I can’t right now, that’s okay too. I’m awesome now. I’ll be even more awesome then. Damn everyone else who thinks otherwise.

Now there have been comments around the web saying the women with NC tattoos are being a bit too hasty in getting a tattoo based on a comic that’s not even finished yet. Because, you know, us girls have *no* idea what we’re doing and we’re just following the latest fad (tattoos are so rebellious didn’t you know?)

I never felt so connected with a book as much as BP connected with me. The book is not the reason why I inked myself. In Kelly Sue DeConnick’s interview over at NPR, she mentions a friend summing the “NC tattoo phenomenon” perfectly,

 "You don’t get that tattoo because you are a fan of something in the book. You get that tattoo because that book is a fan of something in you.“

When I look at the NC emblazoned on my shoulder, I’m reminded of my faults, my imperfections, and that I should love myself more for them and be proud for getting the self-care I desperately need. It reminds me to struggle and be wary of society’s concepts of beauty, gender roles, its racism and discrimination

(both blatant and hidden) on the marginalized. It reminds me that I’m Non-Compliant and don’t fit into the mainstream’s ideals of perfection, beauty and lifestyle.

And I should be damn proud of that.