Shout out to all my straight sisters I’m so sorry 😞
Jesus, leave his ass.
We learn fast to be very kind and attentive, tho.
My mom, who got her degree in Marriage and Family Counseling when she was 60, says studies show that women will sometimes sometimes leave a long term relationship to live on their own for a while before seeking a new relationship, but men will almost never leave a long term relationship without having a new relationship either in progress or just beginning. They don’t want to give up the caretaker they have without another one on deck or in the wings.
This is so sad
This isnt cute or quirky. This means hes a fucking hopeless user
Please date a man who actually acts like an adult.
Ok I lived with my ex for 2 years and he literally wouldn’t be able to get his own food if I wasn’t at home, I’d get home from work and he’d be angry at me for “making him starve”
My current partner has lived on his own for 8 years and the absolute most I have to help him with is maybe sending him $20 so he can make a bill payment on time
It made me realise for 2-4 years I wasn’t a girlfriend I was a fucking mother
Men who have been independent are capable of reverting if given the slightest excuse. When we married, my ex husband was 10 years older than me and had lived on his own for 8ish years. Yet (and I allowed this until I finally got fed up and took us to counseling) I did 80% of the cooking, because I was better at it. Same with the cleaning, shopping, social planning, etc.
After I left, in the first six months I got texts or calls asking me to please tell him:
The online banking password (dude, I left you, you should really change that)
Where I ordered his special-wecial organic underwear
Where the good cutting board was (my dad gave it to us at our wedding, genius, I took it with me along with the rest of the stuff from my family)
What brand butter we bought
What brand of local kielbasa we bought
Who his doctor was
What RMV office had the shortest lines
Where the old tax returns were (in the fucking box labeled tax returns)
The phone number for his best friend
I shit you not.
Then he had a heart attack (mild) and none of his family or friends were around to take him to the hospital. But instead of calling 911, he called me, who by then lived 45 minutes away. He lived 5 minutes from an EMS dispatch location. He called me, despite the fact that he didn’t believe me 8 months prior when I was feeling suicidal and I had to call a cab to go alone to check myself into the hospital for a 72-hour hold. I told him to call 911, hung up on him when he whined about “making a fuss”, called 911, called his siblings and then texted them “your brother is having a heart attack, I called 911 for him, come home,” and washed my hands of it.
Emotionally vacant men who won’t do household labor or emotional labor are not Nazis, but they aren’t good people, either, and you don’t have to put up with their shit.
Millennial women of Tumblr, please read this post.
And then please: make the decision for yourself to never stay with a man who expects you to be his mother and servant.
This is my grandma to a T. She has lived with the same man for a good 60+ years now and her literal words quoted: “When I’m not home for an extended period of time (week or more) I worry about him eating and then when I get home he’s been eating fish and potatoes for the whole time, even though I left heatable meals in the fridge for him” My grandma pays ALL THE BILLS. Yes ALL OF THEM. The only bills my grandpa puts any money into is car payements and some land-deed tax stuff. He refuses to cook, clean, wash his clothes, any of it.
The whole family is currently waiting for my grandpa to die so my grandma can finally go free, because she’s so stuck into her role as a caretaker that’s the only way to force her to let this shitbag go.
Tumblr, keep circulating this. This is not the 1960s, a dude’s gotta wash his own fucking clothes in our lord’s year of 2018.
And they can fucking learn. After 35 years of marriage my mom got fed up and started making my dad do his laundry after he complained that he really needed a certain shirt cleaned by tomorrow. She marched him into the laundry room, showed him how to work the machine. He’s been doing his own laundry regularly since. After 40 years my dad started to learn to cook, mostly with those meal-in-a-box deals like Hello Fresh or Plated that are super basic with their instructions. My mom and my brother in law are taking turns teaching him to grill. They made a deal where whoever cooks the meal also cleans, so in addition to him cooking 2-3 times a week, he is also doing the dishes. Until they retired, my parents were both working (my mom actually worked more because she was teaching and she didn’t just come home and do nothing like my dad; she had lesson planning and grading to do in addition to all the chores), so it’s not like my mom had all of this free time to do all the house work.
Women don’t like doing this stuff either. It doesn’t just “come naturally” to us, either. Most of us had moms or someone teaching us to do all this bullshit. My mom taught me how to cook. My mom taught me how to balance a budget. My mom taught me how to sew. My mom taught me to do laundry. She just taught me waaaaay before she got fed up enough to teach my dad the same things.
My mother had seven kids, so it didn’t make sense to have us do our own laundry. There was always a big load of towels, a big load of jeans, a big load of sheets, etc.. So, I went through HS without doing laundry. One or the other of my parents manned the family washing, drying, and folding for all family members.
But right before I went to college, my mother explained sorting and wash cycles. Took her about five minutes. And I remember thinking, “Oh, this is nothing.” Went to college and competently did my laundry from that day forward.
This idea that there’s some “magic” to household chores is ridiculous. Recipes clearly explain what to do – and we have Google to explain words like “saute” and “heaping tablespoon.” “Gentle cycle” is printed right on the washer.
ROTJ is my favorite SW ever. I have watched it more times then I can count. I *love* the culmination of Vader’s arc in that movie. I love the fact that for anyone who watched ANH in 77, this would be the *last* ending they would expect for Vader. Well the being dead part yes, but the *how* and *why* would never even occur to them. But, within the trilogy as a whole, it makes *sense*, that they did character growth for a guy whose face you couldn’t *see*. I love that love is what saved the day. Yes, it’s a bit hokey, but after the last ten years of grim and gritty, it really stands out that Lucas chooses to go that way.
But, and here is the important bit, what Vader got at the end of ROTJ wasn’t redemption.What he got was forgiveness. From Luke, from the Force, from Obi-Wan and Yoda. That is not to say in any way, narratively speaking, that distinction in any way takes away the enormity of what Vader did. Or the braveness of Luke, who bet everything, on thinking he could reach his father. But it wasn’t redemption.
In regards to storytelling (I’m not touching Redemption as far as Philosophy/Religion because that is a whole different set of rules when you move from fictional people to real ones) the “redemption arc” requires prolonged action. Which Vader/Anakin didn’t do. I’m not saying he would or wouldn’t if he had lived, but he didn’t. Now, you can say he started a “redemption arc”, killing Palpatine was a good first step, but by the very nature of that arc, it requires the former “bad guy” to encounter problems along the way and to be tested on how firm their resolve is. They have to be tempted to slip back into old habits. That did not happen to Vader/Anakin.
The “redemption arc” also requires acknowledging that you have done wrong. We didn’t see Vader do that. He did tell Luke that she should tell his sister that Luke was right, there was still good in him, but that is not the same thing as admitting you fucked up. In fact, given that he was dying, I’m not sure he was thinking anything besides “Fuck, this hurts a lot!” and “Luke, leave my sorry ass behind and save yourself!”
I think that a lot of writers/creative types, especially in movies and TV, don’t want to tell the story of redemption. No judgments here, most of the time those stories can be really depressing, (Xena is the lightest version of that I can think of that particular tale). So they have the bad guy do one good deed, let them die, and call it redemption. Because movies are one of the most accessible forms of storytelling we have on the planet now, most people see that story line and call it redemption when it’s really not.
I’m not saying the message of forgiveness isn’t equally as important. It is. We all screw up, and we need the lesson that no matter what you do, you can be forgiven for it. Which is something I think that if Anakin had understood in his earlier years as Vader, he would have stopped being Vader. He thought no one would ever forgive him, no matter what he did, so he might as well keep to the course, and make sure that all the horrible things he had done were somehow “worth it”. What made it worth it was a rotating list of lies and justifications, which towards the end I think even he was aware of. But I have to wonder, if he had understood that there is a difference between those two concepts, would he have kept to his path so hard? If he understood he might never achieve “redemption” but could still be forgiven by those he loved, would he have stopped?
Katharine Trendacosta, a policy analyst with the nonprofit Electronic Frontier Foundation, said the situation undercuts the argument that net neutrality rules hindered emergency services by not allowing internet service providers to prioritize their data.
“They’ve often said if we’re allowed to throttle some and not others then we can give better service to emergency responders. We’re seeing here that’s not true,” she said. “It wasn’t net neutrality that prevented them from doing it. It’s clearly their own policies.”
Trendacosta said the Santa Clara County Fire Department’s experience “is an example of why actions like this are so dangerous and why we need to pay attention to how we’re getting our internet.”
Santa Clara County Fire Capt. Bill Murphy said officials felt compelled to join in the lawsuit as a means to ensure that reduced data speeds won’t impact the public’s access to information like evacuation routes and fire maps disseminated online during emergencies.
“If the public were to experience the same level of throttling that we experienced, their ability to access basic information we’re trying to get them would be significantly reduced,” he said.
An excellent piece at Quartz this morning on why telling women how to behave to be successful in the workplace unrealistically minimizes the gender inequity they face.
But the obstacles that come with working in a sexist culture are beyond any individual’s control. And so advocating a do-it-yourself approach to on-the-job equality may actually be a kind of gaslighting—just one more way for institutions to deflect blame and make women question themselves and doubt their sanity. It’s the society we operate in that needs fixing, not how we ask for money, the tone of our voices, or our outfits.
this is by far the worst set of words i’ve ever seen
i genuinely don’t understand why internet fascists are so preoccupied with the whole cuck thing, because talking like this is a million times more humiliating than being cheated on.
it’s handy though because it confirms all sorts of wild intersectional stuff that too many people dismiss as academic psychobabble
like you don’t have to break down the nexus between sexual insecurity and reactionary politics or the interchangeable metaphors of sexual conquest and actual colonialism because these dudes are literally laying it right out on the table for you, just straight up saying “I actively associate my diminishing political privilege with my sexual humiliation”
And said sexual humiliation is based not on anything being done to THEM, even, but by their lack of sexual control over their partner.
Because cuckolding isn’t just cheating: it’s some other person “stealing” access to your source of sex, over which you have rightful control. That’s why the conflict is between you and the person your partner is fucking, not you and your partner.
I think so much depends on a) when you were first exposed to a thing, b) how regularly you have been exposed to it after that first time, and c) whether you’re trying to pretend the thing has no issues.
I mean, you’re really asking two different things here. “Do you think you can enjoy something that was created by a terrible person?” Absolutely. For one thing, we don’t all have a complete Rolodex of Every Bad Thing Anyone Has Ever Done. I have read and watched and loved and treasured things made by people who I later found out were awful; their awfulness clearly did not render the thing completely unenjoyable to the ignorant.
“Can you continue to enjoy something that was created by a terrible person?” Yes, although that takes a little more awareness, I think, of what’s going on, and it’s going to be very, very personal, and very, very situational. Joss Whedon cheated on his wife and abused his power over young actresses and was kind of a terrible person. But Buffy was still incredibly important to me as a teen, and if it comes on the TV, I’ll get through about ten minutes of most* episodes before I forget what I know and only remember what I feel, and what I feel is nostalgia and joy and yes, enjoyment. I don’t get to erase what he did. I will think long and hard before I do things that put more money in his personal pockets. But I can still enjoy some of his work.
(*Most: the episodes that clearly show certain tendencies were hard to watch before I realized how personal they were for him. I can’t deal anymore. I just can’t.)
“Can you enjoy something that has a lot of problematic elements?” Absolutely. Part of this is really going to be when you were first exposed. I know a lot of the things I read, watched, and loved as a kid are super-problematic by today’s standards, and I’m careful to review them before I recommend them to other people, but my love doesn’t necessarily die because I learn more. Obviously, this is subjective: Revenge of the Nerds was absolutely tainted for me by the rapey aspects of the carnival, which went completely over my head as a child, while I can still handle Real Genius despite some of the casual sexism. How problematic is too problematic is completely individual.
“Are you allowed to enjoy something that has problematic elements?” Everything has problematic elements. Everything. If we can’t see them yet, we’ll see them in ten years, and maybe we’ll be horrified, but it will also be a sign that the world is getting better. Are people going to interrogate your enjoyment of certain things? Yeah. There’s a reason my friends who still love Ender’s Game mostly preface that love with “I know OSC is a bigot, but this book was so important to me when I was eleven,” or something of the sort. There’s stuff I don’t discuss enjoying because I don’t want to have the conversation. But unless it’s hurting other people, of course you’re allowed to enjoy it. You get to enjoy anything you want.
anyways it’s REAL fishy and obvious when people demand we call Janelle pansexual while completely erasing her statements about being bi and i’m not about it :^) she’s a bicon and y’all can cry about it.
like, again, bisexual people have been saying FOREVER how our sexualities do not revolve around people’s “parts” or genitals or the cis binary.
but when the prevailing narrative continues to paint us as sex-obsessed degenerates, OBVIOUSLY people are going to be like “hmm well I am not only attracted to men and women… so maybe i am Pansexual instead” because that’s the artificial falsified line that has been drawn in the sand by 2010s rhetoric around bisexuality.
so demanding we call someone, who HAS said they are bisexual, pansexual under those pretenses is just shady. y’all refuse to acknowledge the way you have demonized, stigmatized, and pigeon-holed bisexuality as a concept.
i don’t think i’m at the point where i’m like “pansexuality isn’t a valid label”, but I am increasingly suspicious of people who continue to draw lines between bisexuality and pansexuality as materially different, ESPECIALLY when the lines they draw involve elevating pan ppl over bi people in popularity or acceptability.
it’s just a manifestation of biphobia and a gigantic erasure of our culture and history as a group and i am sique of it!
While I completely agree with your point there is a difference between the two, bisexual is the attraction between two different genders, whether that be Male and female, Male and NB, female and two spirited. Or any other combo. Because bi means two. Where as pan means all so instead of being attracted to two genders at a time they are attracted to everygender.
No, it’s not. I am bisexual and unlike you am very aware of bisexual history. Bisexual people never came up with the “bi means two” beyond “bi means two groups” ie. “those genders like and unlike my own”.
Pansexuality is a new conception that started in the 2010s, MAYBE as early as 2006ish, which has developed out of the absolutely ahistorical, transphobic assumption that you must be pansexual to be attracted to trans people because you “don’t care” about genitals or gender.
As I JUST said, bisexual people have always extended our definitions of ourselves beyond the cis binary and making assumptions about people’s “parts”. To claim otherwise is biphobic rhetoric that has been used to pathologize bisexual people as sex-obsessed degenerates with no discretion.
Learn to read.
The bisexual manifesto defines bisexuality as two or more genders at that was published in 1990, people have definetely been using that definition for even longer. I know y’all can’t get past your second grade “bi means two! Like a bicycle!” Understanding of things but in the real world things don’t work like that.
This reminded me of a study I read about in Cordelia Fine’s book Delusions of Gender:
“Kristi Klein and Sara Hodges used an empathic accuracy test in which participants watched a video of a woman talking about her failure to get a high enough score on an exam to get into the graduate school she wanted to attend. When the feminine nature of the empathic accuracy test was highlighted by asking participants for sympathy ratings before the empathic accuracy test, women scored significantly better than men. But a second group of women and men went through exactly the same procedure but with one vital difference: they were offered money for doing well. Specifically, they earned $2 for every correct answer. This financial incentive levelled the performance of women and men, showing that when it literally ‘pays to understand’ male insensitivity is curiously easily overcome.“ (Emphasis mine.)
(An endnote also states that “Men also scored equivalently to women when the sympathy rating was requested after the empathic accuracy test.”)
The passage goes on to add
“You can also improve men’s performance by inviting them to see a greater social value in empathising ability. Cardiff University psychologists presented undergraduate men with a passage titled ‘What Women Want’. The text, complete with bogus references, then went on to explain that contrary to popular opinion ‘non-traditional men who are more in touch with their feminine side’ are regarded as more sexually desirable and interesting by women, not to mention more likely to leave bars and clubs in the company of one. Men who read this passage performed better on the empathic accuracy task than did control men (to whom the test was presented in a nothing-to-do-with-gender fashion) or men who had been told that the experiment was investigating their alleged intuitive inferiority.“
In other words: men aren’t necessarily worse at sensing and understanding others’ feelings than women are; it’s just that quite a few of them don’t feel the need to put for the effort unless it profits them in some way… and perhaps don’t want to show too much empathy, because doing so would make them feel less masculine/manly.
The comments on this poet are filled with white nerds being misogynistic lmao, surprise
I know. So many angry white nerds in my inbox after posting this, its hilarious. So here’s some more excellent commentary since the Hardwick story broke:
Tsarina Jissa's Tumblr 