Tag: inquisition

acheesecakewrites:

Bull overhears Sera teasing Dorian and he agrees, she’s right– Dorian does need to get laid, probably on a regular basis and probably with the same guy. 

someone should make sure he remembers to eat lunch and doesn’t get too worked up about some dead historian’s grammar. someone should keep an eye on him when his blisters get so bad he stops complaining, and someone really, really needs to make sure he gets enough sleep.

he enlists the help of Blackwall, Sera and his Chargers in his quest to Find Dorian The Perfect Boyfriend.

themadqueenmab:

Here are all the Dragon Age companions in a nutshell: 

Origins:

Alistair: Your senior officer who is so scared of taking charge that he pretends you’re the senior officer. You can make him king. 

Morrigan: Antisocial witch who totally turns into a spider just to fuck with Alistair. Will probably hold her nose and boink him later. 

Leliana: Ex-nun that murders people and tells you bedtime stories.

Sten: Murders a whole family. One of your more reliable companions.  

Shale: A fashion-conscious, bird-hating rock. 

Wynne: Magical possessed Grandma. ❤

Zevran: Failed to kill you. Tries to seduce you instead. 

Oghren: Drinks so much that you forget he has other personality traits. You probably made him kill his wife. 

Dog: Who’s a good boy?! You are! Yes, you are!

Loghain: Doesn’t know why he’s here and frankly kind of wishing you just killed him.

Awakening:

Anders: All he wanted was to leave the giant tower he was trapped in and not be murdered. Jury’s out on how well that worked out. 

Oghren: Still drunk. He left his new wife so he could kill more things with you. 

Nathaniel: He’s forced into the club because ‘some of your best friends have tried to kill you,’ and frankly he’s concerned. 

Velanna: Fuck all you shem. She’s only here because she’s looking for her sister. Also her ears aren’t that big. 

Justice: He doesn’t know what he’s doing but you seem like a good sort so he’ll follow you like a confused and rotting spirit puppy. 

Sigrun: For a dead woman, she is the peppiest of the bunch. Will set Justice’s corpse spasms to music. 

Dragon Age 2:

Carver: Fuck you. Oh wait… maybe less fuck you. Or maybe he’s the fucker all along. 

Bethany: She loves you. Oh wait… no, she still loves you, even if you’re a prick. 

Aveline: Please follow the law. Please stop dragging her into your illegal messes. She just wants to be a good guard captain. 

Varric: He is writing all this shit down to tell embarrassing stories later. 

Anders: VIVE LA RÉSISTANCE! Also, Fenris can go fuck himself. 

Fenris: Murder ALL the mages. Also, Anders can go fuck himself. 

Merrill: The naive fish out of water from every romantic comedy, except she makes blood pacts with demons.

Isabela: FLIRT FLIRT FLIRT runs away with life-saving relic FLIRT SOME MORE. 

Sebastian: A priest who accidentally joined a gang. 

Inquisition: 

Cassandra: Best tank. Could probably have a faith spirit in her head and you couldn’t tell the difference. 

Blackwall: Liar liar beard on fire.

Solas: Liar liar egg on fire. Plus racism.

Iron Bull: Is literally called ‘liar’ and doesn’t lie to you for the whole main game.

Varric: He has finally reached a point where even if he tells this story honestly, no one will ever believe him. 

Vivienne: She will make you classy or so help her–

Dorian: Someone stop his country from embarrassing itself again please.

Sera: Down with the bourgeoisie, except not so far down that we can’t steal from them. 

Cole: Is even worse that this than Justice. You love your weirdo spirit puppy anyway.

Leliana: Someone said something mean? Cut out their tongue.

Josephine: Please just talk to people. Her life would be so much easier if you did.

Cullen: Can’t escape this franchise no matter how far he runs.