A Midsummer Night’s Dream: Fairy divorce court causes everything in the vicinity to go to hell, briefly.
A Comedy of Errors: Don’t give your twins the same name. Seriously don’t.
As You Like It: No one actually likes anything that is occurring. Especially not Jaques.
Twelfth Night: Local pageboy causes everyone to catch Gay Feelings. Also multiple shipwrecks.
Much Ado About Nothing: Random bastard decides to cause problems for literally no reason other than because he is a dick.
Two Gentlemen of Verona: One gentleman is not actually a gentleman, he’s a grade-A turdwaffle.
Love’s Labors Lost: Four friends’ attempts to swear off love go about as well as you would expect
The Merry Wives of Winsor: SO I HEAR U LIKE FALSTAFF??
The Taming of the Shrew: Sometimes the best cure for a mean wife is just straight-up sexism. (Actually no wtf why)
All’s Well That Ends Well: Nothing is well and it ends kinda shittily, too.
The Merchant of Venice: Apparently the entire population of Venice is either dumb, shitty, or Portia. Or Jessica.
Measure for Measure: Undercover Boss: Vienna Edition
Richard II: Local king forced to actually face consequences for his actions. Doesn’t like it much.
Henry IV part 1: TURN DOWN FOR WHAT interluded by existential kingly guilt. Also Hotspur
Henry IV part 2: The boring part because no Hotspur and no TURN DOWN FOR WHAT. Just guilt and guys with stupid names.
Henry V: Fun manly bonding as France gets fucked over
Henry VI part 1: Let’s Screw France Part 2 feat. Joan of Arc
Henry VI part 2: A bunch of murders and Everything Has Gone to Shit Now nice job breaking it, Henry.
Henry VI, part 3: YORK YORK YORK YORK also a bunch of murders, part 2.
Richard III: Once there was a Duke of Gloucester. He was so ugly that everyone died. The End
Henry VIII: You’d think think the betrayal of a queen and befuckening of the church would be really non-boring but you would be wrong
King John: No one knows what’s happening. Not me, not you, certainly not Johnny. I guess an entire king dies or something idk
Romeo and Juliet: Local teenage fling ends in six deaths and a banishment. Authorities are baffled
Macbeth: If you don’t sleep you become a murderer I don’t make the rules also if witches are nearby… you’re fucked.
Hamlet: Danish prince should have just called Ghostbusters
Othello: And you thought your racist coworker was a pain in the ass
King Lear: Local shitty dad amazed that all his kids turned out shitty. How could this happen.
Julius Caesar: Fun male bonding exercise devolves into civil war and multiple accounts of suicide
Antony and Cleopatra: Two-year fling devolves into civil war and multiple accounts of suicide
Coriolanus: Local war devolves into civil war and – just kidding it’s actually about Coriolanus ruining everything by being unable to shut his piehole for two seconds
Timon of Athens: Don’t Have Friends: A Cautionary Tale
Titus Andronicus: Blood, death, murder, death, human sacrifice, rape, death, dismemberment, cannibalism, death, and a partridge in a pear tree
Troilus and Cressida: Title characters are actually the most boring part of the play
Pericles: It’s like a fairy tale except less magic and more nonsense. And brothels I guess idk
Cymbeline: Twenty three different plot lines and none of them go anywhere
The Winter’s Tale: Local asshole king fucks with nature so NATURE FUCKS RIGHT BACK
The Tempest: The heartwarming tale of a wizard, his weird magical bird slave, his daughter, a drunk fish guy, some murderers, and a whole lot of wood gathering
overpopulation is a fucking shitty myth we as a species produce enough food and have enough shelter to feed and house every living human and then some.
it’s simply not profitable to do so.
capitalism is shit
Hey hot take!! Malthusianism has been broadly debunked since basically the 1970s and yet, much like Freud’s endless ramblings about secretly wanting to bone your own parents, it’s one of those fuckstupid ideas that refuses to die!! Also I’m really disappointed in the Russo brothers for buying into literally the dumbest incarnation of environmental “ethics” there is, holy shit
They didn’t,… buy into it. The point was that Thanos was…. wrong.
They totally bought into it. Thanos is treated as wrong, but his wrongness is moral, not factual. There is, for example, no pushback against his claim that killing half of Gamora’s people has resulted in her planet becoming a paradise, even though that’s factually unlikely (Gamora is maybe thirty, so less than a quarter century after losing half its industrial base, her planet is now prospering? Sure thing, Thanos) and actually contradicted by some of the graphics in Guardians of the Galaxy, which state that Gamora is the last survivor of her species. We’re meant to think that Thanos is wrong because his plan is evil, not because both his analysis and his proposed solution are mistaken.
The fact is, Hollywood has long been in love with Malthusianism for the same reason that post-9/11, it became so enamored of torture. Because to the overwhelmingly privileged white men who make up its writing base, it reads like a Tough Question for which there are No Good Answers. The fact that it’s a moronic idea to which there are obvious rebuttals hasn’t percolated because they don’t want it to, because they’re too in love with the supposed drama that comes from pretending that freaking out about overpopulation in this way makes any sort of sense.
The Russos bought into it, or at least think they’re being edgy or relevant or whatever by doing this. At no point in the narrative does anyone contest Thanos’ claims on anything but moral grounds even though his premise is extremely flawed. They’ve stated that Thanos wiped out half the universe’s resources as well as half its people so the universe is… exactly as fucked as it was anyway, but now it’s full of traumatized, grieving survivors. So all of this was for literally nothing, and I have no idea what the hell they thought that was going to accomplish.
It’s also worth pointing out (as @blossomsinthemist did in the notes of the post I’m reblogging from) that this “committing genocide to save the universe” bullshit is something they came up with. That wasn’t the premise of the original Infinity War comic at all. They decided that Thanos killing people for his own selfish reasons wasn’t good enough so they made up this resource scarcity bullshit and – I cannot stress this enough – did not challenge his beliefs in the narrative at all.
Like, we are absolutely supposed to think Thanos is a complicated character and we’re supposed to feel for the pain he’s enduring in his quest to save us from ourselves and seriously, fuck that.
instead of bugle mcu peter parker sells his pictures to/works for buzzfeed. all his articles about spiderman are titled like ‘Insanely Cool And Relevant Spider-Man Helps Out At Local Soup Kitchen’ and ‘Awesomely Powerful And Suave Vigilante Spider-Man Just Stopped A Crime Ring From Stealing All Of Tony Stark’s Shit’ and ‘Beloved Sweetheart And Icon Spider-Man Saved An Old Lady So She Bought Him A Churro (Pics Will Make Your Heart MELT!!) and ‘Photographic Proof That Spider-Man Is A Thousand Times Cooler Than The Queens Police Department’, stuff along those lines. He also makes Which Avenger Are You quizzes, and one time he was mad at Tony so he made a poll asking if Spider-Man or Iron Man were cooler, but he rigged it so no matter what the actual voting outcome it would always say 0% voted for Iron Man.
‘Opinion: The Green Goblin Is A Loser And Spider-Man Could Easily End Him If He Wasn’t Such A Respectable And Peaceful Dude’
‘PROOF That Tony Stark Thinks Spider-Man Is The Greatest!!’ and it’s just a bunch of pictures that Peter completely staged and Tony clearly didn’t realize there was a camera on him. He’s smiling at the kid all proudly or whatever and Spider-Man is just fucking thumbs-uping into the camera lol
‘Devastatingly Smart And Funny Spider-Man Gets The Hulk To Calm Down With Only A Few Great Jokes!’
‘Um, Spider-Man Just Totally Saved The Entire City From A Genetically Modified Super Villain, And We’re Living For It.’
‘Okay- We Really Need To Start Appreciating Doctor Strange’ the picture featured in the article is Spider-Man trying to get Strange to fist bump and Strange looking annoyed
pictures of Spider-Man hanging around parades and protests and riots trying to make sure no one gets hurt
‘INCREDIBLE Spider-Man Webbed Up Falcon And The Winter Soldier Like It Was Nothing!’
‘Spider-Man Just Called Doc Ock A Little Bitch In The Middle Of A Fight, And It Was Iconic’
‘Friend To All! Spider-Man Saves An Adorable Cat From A Burning Building!’
‘Everyone’s Favorite Web-Slinger Just Gave A Lost Little Girl The COOLEST Ride Home!’
I can’t stop thinking about this lmao someone help me
The articles pick up some steam and start getting popular and he worries that people will suspect he’s Spider-Man because of how many pictures he gets and all the stuff he writes about himself
Instead, people start suspecting he’s got the worlds biggest crush on Spider-Man
Superhero Conspiracy Bloggers™ who also totally believe Peter has a crush on Spider-Man get wind that Peter is Tony’s intern.
Tony thinks this is a hilarious turn of events, and as revenge for the ‘No One Likes Iron Man’ poll, he tweets out that he’s been trying to set up Peter and Spidey for months now, but “they’re both so shy!”
The internet goes wild.
Michelle, completely aware of Peter’s identity, publishes her own article entitled: ’Spider-Man: PLEASE DATE MY BEST FRIEND’. It trends for three days and Ned has a copy of it printed out and framed.
Harry Osborn, completely unaware of the comedy in this situation, gets drunk and posts a whole angry rant on his snapchat about how Peter can do ‘SO much better’ than the vigilante wall crawler
“In the late 80s and early 90s there was a vocal group of radical feminists who believed that pornography inherently harms women, not just in its production but also in its consumption…
These anti-pornography feminists teamed up with the religious right and managed to get anti-porn laws passed. In particular, a law was passed in Canada preventing the importation of “obscene” material”..
….
Guess what was seized first? “The Joy of Gay Sex” and the like. Guess what businesses started finding all their shipments seized or delayed – sexually explicit or not – to the point where they were being put out of business? Gay bookstores. Guess what wasn’t seized at all? Mainstream porn made for straight men…..
Here’s the key point: Strossen is a legal scholar who’s looked at a lot of attempts at censorship, and you know what she found happened every time? When you try to censor pornography, even in the interests of protecting vulnerable people, that censorship will be applied first, and hardest, against the people who are most vulnerable.They won’t come for actual abusers, they’ll come for the abused, and prevent them from accessing resources, education, talking to each other, creating art to express themselves, or organising against those who are actually causing harm.
This is old, old business, we’ve seen it more than once before, and it never goes the way the antis think it will. Censorship is a tool that gives power to abusers and lets them inflict more harm on those who are abused, vulnerable and discriminated against. Don’t fall for it.
Because I love being taught to love myself. Being taught skin care regiment by a beautiful gay man who looks like Jesus. He’s powerful. He’s positive. He’s giving you a home made DIY lip scrub made from honey, coconut oil, sugar, and essentials oils that you can make with your mother and kids. He’s teaching you how to use green tinted concealer for the redness in your skin so you can get your ex wife back and take her to a car show. Jonathan is love, and powerful vibes in your bathroom when you’re not feeling your best. Self care starts somewhere. And he’s giving you the first step. Go gay Jesus.
The moral of the story is that if you see JVN on your dash: reblog him and be blessed with clear skin, smooth hair, and a walk that destroys empires.
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